


Edward vs a REAL Vampire

by RedButterfly (SmallRedRobin13)



Category: Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines (Video Game)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Mocking, Twilight Spitefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5780722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallRedRobin13/pseuds/RedButterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Note: In case it wasn't obvious by the title, or the tags, this is mocking twilight-related things.  So don't get angry at me for this, you were warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“So much angst.” Edward Cullen moaned, while half the female population shrieked in joy and hugged him. “Please,” he cried, allowing a single tear to escape, “Please, I am in deep emotional pain. And anguish, as well. I-” His verbal onslaught was interrupted by a sarcastic voice from the shade “Seriously? This is how we’re represented? No wonder humans are so easy to fight. I mean, come on! We’re not covered in mirrors!” All eyes turned towards a woman standing in the shade, despite it being night. She wore a black embroidered skirt and tank top, there was a knife at her belt a shotgun was strapped to her left arm. Edward smiled, while the girls around him rallied to his defence. “He’s cute!” One cried, “You couldn’t beat him!” another spat. The woman smiled, and raised her left hand while taking her shotgun in her right, “I wouldn’t bet on it.” She said in a deadpan voice while she calmly shot at Edward.

It didn’t kill him, but it found it’s mark. When it was clear that wasn’t going to do the trick, energy pulsed in the woman’s left hand. Strands slipped away and formed themselves into a pack of transparent wolves. With a blood-freezing howl, they charged at Edward, who bravely threw his fans at them and ran. The girls tried to stop the wolves, but they simply slipped past them and continued to bear down on Edward. As his screams shook the night, the woman put on some sunglasses “That’s what happens when you tangle with a real vampire.” she said, as she slipped into the shadows, her mission complete.


	2. Chapter 2

Eli, as she was known as, focused on cleaning her shotgun. Despite her need for blood after killing that vampire pretender, she valued her life more. Ever since she had killed Edward, the police had been out searching for a woman with brown hair, wearing a black tank top and shirt. The first thing she had done when she got home was dye her hair blood red, and change into a black t-shirt, leggings and boots. She couldn’t do much about her eyes, but she put on sunglasses anyway. Her email pinged, from Nines it read

**Eli,**   
**Heard about what you did to the fake vampire, it seemed a little over the top to set a pack of wolves on him, but I’m guessing he annoyed you. Seemed like the type too.**

**-Nines**

Eli smiled. She couldn’t stand dramatic people of any kind. Never could, and when it got out that the fool had not only placed himself and the people around him in a ridiculous amount of danger by pretending to be something he didn’t understand, but had ignored warnings from everyone and then tried to get sired so he could show off. If he hadn’t chosen to be sired by the Sabbat, he might still be alive. But, for once, everyone had come to an agreement. This pest had to be taken care off. By Eli, to be exact. When it looked like the police had given up, Eli stepped out into the city air, and went in search of something to eat. She found a punk, who had placed himself behind a dumpster while he relived himself, and she fed, leaving _just_ enough blood to leave him alive. As she pushed him away, he crashed into the wall and slumped into his own piss. Not that Eli cared, she wanted to celebrate.


End file.
